It’s time to face the facts; I can’t stop spending. I keep making all of these grand plans about how we’re going to pay off our debt, but neither my husband nor I are willing to make the changes necessary to actually follow through. I obsess daily about how we’re going to pay the debt off in this time frame, making this amount of payments, contributing this amount of bonuses towards debt pay off, and tax returns, and whatever additional windfalls we come across, but the simple fact is that we never follow through.
This week, I have added to my Target card, twice. We went to dinner last Friday and spent $40, then went to Target and spent another $65. Some of it was necessities, most of it was not. The problem is, by time I pay our mortgage, utilities, insurance, car, student loans, and credit cards; we have no money for anything else. We don’t have money to go grocery shopping, or for gas, or to buy clothes that the kids need for winter, so they go on the credit cards, which means the minimum payments never drop and neither do the balances. Instead, we stay in this same never ending cycle where we’re just throwing money down a rabbit hole.
Today I feel dejected, and I feel like a failure. How long have I been at this? And how much progress have I made? My brake light popped on this morning while driving to work. I remember how much it cost to replace my brakes last time. There is always something that comes up. It’s great that we’re getting $1400 back from the county, but when half of that goes towards new brakes… it doesn’t really leave much for credit cards and savings. There’s always something.
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